Sick Santa Spotted

Upon a recent visit to the Altamonte Mall, I saw a large man in red pants making his way through the food court, swilling the juice from trays of bourbon chicken left behind on the tables. Recalling the helpful mugshot posted on this site, I was reasonably sure it was Spunko. I tried to follow him to confirm my suspicions, but I lost him in Sears. When I heard the screams nearby, I headed toward the commotion that ended up being the Family Portrait Studio. I arrived too late and could only see the man being taken to a restricted access area by security. Left behind, however, was a clue to what had transpired. On a monitor was a digital preview of the last portrait taken: Two toddlers dressed as elves sat in the foreground and behind them loomed the mystery man’s enormous white buttocks, the red pants resting around his ankles.